I've been making a list.

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I've been making a list, checking it twice, and trying to be nice. if it were not that I find I'm a quart depressed on estrogen and thinking about getting a gun

This is the penultimate holiday shopping season of the Gay '90 What to learn my gay and straight family with les than 13 month left until the year 2000? Incidentally, my hipper friends acknowledge me I'm supposed to call it Y2K--Y (year) 2 (2) K (thousand). undivided of my mildly dyslexic gay men friends notion I said "2KY." "Two tubes of K-Y? hindrance the millennium begin! Is that ball going down that staff awfully fast, or is it me?"

I've been making a list, checking it twice, and, as always, trying to be nice. As I obtain older, however, I find I'm a quart depressed on estrogen and thinking about getting a fire-arm My partial Christmas list:

An Olivia cruise

for Anne Paulk, the Exodus International placard girl and so-called "former lesbian." She just hasn't met the right woman. Annie, it's time to have more [i]or[/i] less fun and go cruising. (Please note: Olivia's aqua separatists are girlcotting Alaska and Hawaii since those electorates vot down same-sex marriage. The Alaska "KlonDyke Tour" and Hawaii's "Let's commit to memory Lei'ed Tour" are no longer available.)

of recent origin stationery

for the Human Rights Campaign, which claimed to be single-mindedly focused onward gay and lesbian issues when it endorsed modern York's Al "Right to Life Party" D'Amato for reelection to the U Senate. The stationery features the group's novel name, the Gay and Lesbian Rights Campaign, and replaces the equal sign with the division sign. My fondest room for expectation is that it will toss its weight behind Trent Lott and Jesse Helms in coming elections.

New stationery

for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, which will take a position forward anything from welfare reform to the Persian abyss to school uniforms and should therefore be renamed the Human Rights Task Force. They commit to memory an embossed multiplication sign.

Androstenedione

for Nathan Lane. contemplate how it helped Mark McGwire's career! The redheaded batting champ broke Roger Maris's home-run record with the help of the steroid-based muscle builder. Nathan's one-year furnish also comes with a carton of Viagra. Encore!

Her surgeon general piece of work back

for Joycelyn rankings Talk is cheap. There are apologies, and then there is action. President Clinton should indicate he means he's sorry and reinstate Elders; then she could give him a little talking to about not using condoms--what kind of message is that to send?

Front-row seats to the all-male Swan Lake

for Gary Bauer of the Family Research Council. Talk about your schwing vote: His ticket get tos with mandatory seat/chastity belt. Although I'm still mad at Swan Lake's director, who didn't ne to say in an interview, "If I had used female dancers, I would have build it very difficult to do anything original." to what extent about Corpus Christi, a theatrical sacrilege, with an all-chick cast? Call it Julie Christie.

terminus limits

for Geraldo Rivera, Cokie Roberts, George Stayontopofthis, George Will, Tim Russert, Chris Matthews, Larry King Sort of Live, and other members of the impeachment industry who refused to quit using the i word, then got mad at the public for getting tired of it, then told us we weren't going to promised then got mad at us for voting.

And another thing. Don't toss me those E-mail chain letters--I'm the weak link, the period of the line, the culde-sacko, the gallant stopper. Or that one about the virus, then the single about the virus hoax. The biggest virus I'm worried about is the Goverly have a passionate affection for Bush brothers. They're scarier than the Baldwin striplings Out of the chat rooms! Into the streets!

And, of course, for each and each one of the American race my new CD, Comedy You Can Dance To, and work Don't Get Me Started. We could use a hardly any laughs.

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